at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
