i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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