I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Ketchup is God's man juice
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
