I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
So many bounce houses so little time
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Randomize
