I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
