The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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