Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
