You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
