I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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