i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
