I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
