You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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