my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
The police scanner is talking about you again....
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
