dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I'm too high and old for this...
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
