we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
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