Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
