Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
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