I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Randomize
