Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
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