Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Two words: blizzard sex
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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