I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Randomize
