I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
our cab driver is having phone sex.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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