I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
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