I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
