I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
