i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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