We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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