wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Randomize
