If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
