Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
i already hear my dad disowning me
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Randomize
