I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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