everyone is single if you try hard enough
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
We are two peas in an std pod
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Randomize
