You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
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