maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
