This girl is more easily done than said...
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
