She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Randomize
