she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
