I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
How's work?
Spinning.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
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