I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
