I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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