Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
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