Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
