You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Randomize
