He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
My vagina just recognized that song.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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