the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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