After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
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