so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
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Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
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So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
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