Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
how does that bad decision feel?
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
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