She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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