How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
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