does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
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