I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
