Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
