I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Randomize
