i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
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