I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
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