She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
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