SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Randomize
