if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
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