i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Randomize
