what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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