he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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