Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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