His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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