I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
