hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
ugly people sure do ruin things
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
