I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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