Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
