he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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