yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Randomize
