With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
