I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
