did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
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