Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
