Sponge bath it is.
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Randomize
