It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
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I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
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