it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
