you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
