good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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