Your mouth is God's brothel.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
