I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
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