I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Randomize
