i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
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